Since I was a small child, I have had the tendency to keep quiet about the painful struggles in my life. You see, I am a melancholy, introvert. The people who know me best know this about me.
I know. I know. Some of you do not believe me. The woman who just dressed her entire family, including her reserved husband, up as Lego people for Halloween cannot be a melancholy introvert. I am sure I have just disappointed some of you reading this.
One thing we melancholy, introverts have a tendency to do is to keep quiet about struggles we face in life. Because of my personality, I have never really found it difficult to seek the help and wisdom of the Lord before I seek the help and wisdom of people.
This may seem like such an advantage in the Christian life. At times it is. However, what I have come to learn in my almost thirty years of walking with the Lord is that not only does God want us to reach out to Him in our pain, but He desires for us to find comfort in the family and friends and church family that He has place in our lives.
I was reminded of that yesterday. Yesterday was one of the most physically painful days I have experienced in the last decade of my life. Up until about two years ago when I wrote about it here on my blog, only my family and a few close friends knew that I suffer from a debilitating nerve disorder.
Because I wrote about it in detail two years ago, I will just direct you to that blog if you are interested in the details. Through this disorder, I experienced the only instant physical miracle in my life, and I detail that miracle in the blog linked above.
In short when I was in college I was diagnosed with a condition that affects my ability to hold a pen or pencil and write. Because of this condition, I have to awkwardly hold a pen or pencil when I have to write something. I also have to write very slowly to make my handwriting remotely legible.
With this disorder, I have also had to learn to be a pain manager. The nerve and muscle pain that occurs after I have written something can range anywhere from slight to excruciating.
Praise the Lord, I live in an age where there are very few things that require me to write.
However, this does not negate the fact one of the things that I desperately want to be able to do is sit down and handwrite letters and cards to friends and family like I used to be able to do. My heart longs to get off this computer and pour out my heart with a pen and journal with prayers to my God.
Though I am eternally gratefully that I still have the use of my fingers to type blogs and journals and emails, in a heartbeat I would give up technology for the rest of my life to be able to write in a journal with a pen or hand write a letter without the consequence of physical pain.
Yesterday the nerve and muscle pain was excruciating. I was at work at church and I didn’t feel like burdening anyone else with my pain. My husband even called once and asked how my day was going and I didn’t even mention the pain to him because I didn’t want him to worry about me. So, I sat there in my office by myself in pain.
It wasn’t until I got home and was telling Joe about the pain, that I realized that once again I had allowed my personality to interfere with what God could have done in my life during the day if I had only reached out and asked someone to pray for me. I could feel the burden of bearing the pain on my own lifting as I shared the struggle with him and asked him to pray for me.
I woke up this morning and the pain is slightly less. However, the burden is significantly lighter. I was reminded of one of my favorite verses and that the truth of God’s word is like medicine for my soul.
Matthew 11:29-30 (NIV) Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
This morning I was also medicated with a huge dose of perspective. This evening I am heading to Dallas to go spend the day tomorrow with my childhood BFF, Jessica. I wish it were for a fun day of shopping together and reminiscing about old times.
Instead we will be spending the day together in the waiting room of a hospital waiting on the word from the surgeon who will be operating to remove a tumor in her mother, Pam . Pam has been battling ovarian cancer for the past five months after having just overcome breast cancer last year.
Pam has been a second mother to me since I was in Kindergarten.
Pam taught me to cook French toast. Pam encouraged me to memorize scripture in Sunday School as a child. Pam drove me to GA (Girls in Action) camp where as a young girl, I developed a passion to pray for missionaries and persecuted believers around the world. Pam took me to my very first concert to see Amy Grant. On my very first day as a teacher, I walked into my classroom and on my desk were flowers from Pam.
For every major struggle or victory I have gone through in life, there has been a card in the mail from Pam.
I do not believe that it is a coincidence that this past Sunday our pastor’s sermon was “How to Pray For a Miracle.” I spent Sunday morning at church on my knees praying for a miracle in Pam’s body. Along with countless other people, I have prayed for over two years for God to free Pam’s body from cancer for His glory.
I learned my lesson yesterday. When I have a painful burden, not only does God want to me to talk to Him about it but He wants me to share my pain with others so that my burden is lighter for me to carry.
So, today with a heavy heart and tear filled eyes, this melancholy introvert is to asking you to pray. Pray for my BFF Jessica as she battles the fear of the unknown with her mother. Pray for a miraculous healing in Pam’s body.
It is humbling to know that just by asking, many will be joining me at the throne room of our Heavenly Father praying with me. I do not know why it has taken me so long to ask. You would link I have a Lego for a brain or something!