My eyes are swollen a bit as I am typing this. I am thinking that most of the females reading this will understand because you have been there. If you are a man reading this you may find it reassuring to know that your wife isn’t the only woman in the world who does it…what is it that we do…From time to time every woman cries herself to sleep. Yep, that is right. The ponytail princess cried herself to sleep last night. I could probably list a hundred things here that were behind the tears…lack of sleep this week, the cough medicine, the electronic device that broke that we can’t afford to fix, the boxes of Christmas decorations that need to be attended to and I can’t find the motivation to tackle, the pile of ironing that I need to do (hate ironing!), yes all of those things would probably be on the list of things that could cause me to cry.
Last night it was probably something more. Now, I will disclose that the situation is probably amplified because of the particular time of the month (nuf said?). However, I am not much of a crier. Never have been. It really does take a lot for me to cry. Only a handful of people in my life have ever seen me crying.
I know there are people reading my blog who live in many different states. You are friends that I have met because my life has been such that I have moved around a lot. I am adventurous at heart. I’ve lived in four different states in the past 11 years. In our ten years of marriage Joe and I have had six different houses. Honestly there are wedding gifts that I have never unpacked because I have been waiting until we are settled in one spot for more than a year or two.
The news came this week. Awesome news. Joe has landed a new job. We have been praying for this. Over the past year, I have spent many days fasting solely for the purpose of asking God to provide an opportunity for him to get out of the oppressing environment he has been in at his current job. I am thrilled.
However, my tears were not tears of joy last night. I have spent much of the last week reflecting on some past hurts. I think that the thought of a move (though it will likely only be about 20 to 30 minutes away…it’s still means setting up a home for the 7th time in our marriage!) was overwhelming. When the electronic gadget I was trying to get working was not cooperating with me, I lost it. Tears started streaming. I could not stop them. Joe’s hugs and sweet words could not stop them. My adorably precious son’s kiss and reassurance could not stop them. “Momma hang on. I know what you need.” He ran back to his room and brought back his radio and plugged it in and said, “Christmas music will make you smile!” Joe and I exchanged smiles as we listened to the song that has the line, “when momma meets Jesus tonight!” I am not joking that is the song that was playing when he turned on the radio station.
Though I mustered up sweet words and hugs and smiles for the amazing men in my life, I told them I just needed to go back to my room. I buried my head in my pillow and let it flow. Joe came in to check on me and asked what was wrong. Unfortunately I could not really express all that I was feeling in my heart. My sweet husband was willing to listen but honestly all I really needed was a good cry and a good night sleep. So that is what I did. I awoke this morning with swollen eyes and said a prayer that I would be able to approach the day focused on the joys and blessing of my life instead of the pains and unknowns. I walked into the kitchen and saw the device that had started the waterworks in the first place. There it sat. I could tell Joe had worked on it. I said a little prayer as I plugged it in and the prayer went something like this, “God you created the world…I know you could bring a 50 dollar device back to life!” I plugged it in and it worked! I ran back to my husband and hugged him thanking him for fixing it. “Holly I didn’t. It wasn’t working when I went to bed.”
Some may call it coincidence. However, in my heart I know that the same God who orchestrated the virgin birth of Jesus to save the world from the death grip of sin, heard the cries and saw the tears of one of his other children last night. Maybe my son is a prophet….”momma DID meet Jesus” last night.